Tired of dating black women
But sometimes, like when I encounter a well-dressed family man with a mutual love for certain breakfast cereals, I wonder if I am failing my people.After all, 50 years ago in many states it was still illegal for us to marry anyone who was not also black. Although race relations are still far from perfect, I acknowledge the steps toward inclusion that we’ve made.So when my first boyfriend uttered the words “jungle fever” to me, I was stunned.I didn’t think it happened in real life — I didn’t realize that white men could be like that towards me.I walked down the cereal aisle in the grocery store, determined to finish my shopping list.As I skimmed my eyes across the rows of boxes, I landed on what I was looking for: a jumbo box of Rice Krispies. I turned around and saw a handsome black man waiting patiently, with a cart full of groceries and a warm smile that briefly invigorated my tired spirit after a long day of work. This encounter was nothing unusual; I frequently have similar encounters with strangers at the grocery store.But when, as a black man, you start saying things such as, "I don't date black women; I don't find them attractive," I think we have an issue. As I've gotten older, I've met many men who will openly say they don't want a baby with a black woman. Even published an article about black women being unattractive. They want a baby with "light skin or light eyes and good hair." IF.
And when they start going in, many of us naturally respond by either stating, “Not all Black men…” or by asking, “Why do y’all Black women believe that Black men hate y’all?
It was my first experience learning the difference between men who appreciate the black female body and men who fetishize it.
I’d often seen awful things on the Internet, calling black women “ebony princesses,” “jungle queens,” “twerking trap queens,” and “big booty ladies.” I’d known that men talked like this online and perpetuated this culture since I was 12 years old. Women’s bodies in general are objectified and sexualized, but as Amandla Stenberg said in an Instagram post, black features are considered beautiful, while black women are not.
Because once again, as Black men, we know this is not just a Trick Daddy issue – it’s a mentality that runs far too deep among ourselves.
The problem with our collective silence and our inability to affirm the worth of the Black woman is that we truly expect her to affirm us whenever we’re disrespected.