Internet dating who pays

Today I'd like to show why the practice of paying for dates on sites like and e Harmony is fundamentally broken, and broken in ways that most people don't realize.

For one thing, their business model exacerbates a problem found on For another thing, as I'll explain, pay sites have a unique incentive to profit from their customers' disappointment.

First, what’s going on can’t be blamed on Trump supporters.

Many highly educated, professionally successful, politically liberal men and women perpetuate these norms without apology or apparent ambivalence.

And only if an entire culture still accepted that pursuit model would it be typical for men to pay for women.

Advertisement I, personally, have not been in a coma, but I was off the dating market for a couple of decades.

During that time I was vaguely aware that a new generation was reproducing old patterns, which I found perplexing and sad.

While I appreciate the traditional sentiment that the man should pay for a date, that rule grows out of an even more basic concept: the person doing the asking does the paying. However, a first date generated from an online relationship is different.

If a date consists of two adults checking each other out, then naturally they’d split the bill.

But if a date is construed as part of a process in which the man is the pursuer and the woman is the pursued — such that she does him a favor by agreeing to be “caught” — then he’d be expected to pay for the privilege.

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